IZ: Nothing But Bad - Part 1

               "GIR, stop your squirming!" Zim sighed, trying to futilely scrub some mud off the little android's ticklish stomach.

GIR stuck a little fist into his mouth, trying to muffle his giggles as he thrashed around in the tub. "Mmph – hehe!" He squirmed and wriggled, holding onto the other side of the tub and laughing.

Zim rolled his eyes, beginning to scrub the thick goopy mud from Talia's hair. "Oh, I just love the games you smeets come up with. What was this one called?" He grimaced in disgust, staring down at the almost blackened water.

"R'win' in da mud..." Talia giggled sheepishly, a hand to her mouth. She squinted her eyes shut as some mud dripped down her face once Zim rinsed out her hair. "We p'et'nded dat the st'cks we pwayed wif' were oaw'rs!"

"Of course you did.. I mean, why wouldn't you?" He reached over to the counter and grabbed the kid's clothes, picking each up and wrapping them in the same indigo towel. Let's stick to rowing in the water, shall we?"

GIR grimaced as Zim rubbed his head dry with the towel. "But....we're not 'llowed to play in the water without anyone watchin' us."

"So then, wait until me or Dib is out there with you!" the irken groaned, pulling up Talia's panties and slipping her into her green dress. "Don't just go..go rowing in the mud!" He glared down at both kids. "I don't want to have to bathe you both that long any time soon." He flicked his wrist dismissively. "Go find something clean to do." He folded up the damp towel and left the room, continuing more of his parental duties in the kitchen, preparing dinner.

Oh, those smeets...those smeets. They really knew how to get in trouble, and it seemed as if GIR was always the mastermind behind every plot. He'd usually drag Talia along into whatever little idea of his was, leading her into trouble – much of it had actually been life threatening. Talia was usually such a good girl most of the time, having her few bouts of sass and disrespect now and then, but she was usually a little angel. Ugh...but it was hard to get through GIR's brain when all he had were a few trinkets and knick knacks for one! Still, Zim tried his hardest....

"Oh, irk........how do you prepare a chicken?"




It had been long since Talia had gone to play dollies in her room – which GIR didn't prefer to do with her. He wandered aimlessly around the condo and the small garage they only used for storage, and plenty of it.

"There's nothin' to do around here..." the robot pouted, kicking a small pebble towards the garage. The small little rock rolled up a ramp like piece of wood, and gently "clinked" against an old paint can. GIR frowned, his little antenna perking up slightly in confusion as he dragged the old bucket out from the shadows, blowing dust particles off the handle. "What's dis?" He flipped off the lid, marveling at the thick and goopy red substance inside. "Ouuuu!" Excitedly, GIR took a fistful of it, giggling as it oozed through his claws. "I'm gonna paint a purty picture!" Humming happily, pulling the heavy bucket out into the front lawn, trying to find a suitable place to paint. Oh, so many places, and his mind eagerly explored them all. The lawn? The driveway? The slick shinning wood of the small floridian condo seemed to be calling out to him:

Paint here, GIR! Here! Don't bother with the old driveway or even paper for that matter; look at how much space you have here!

GIR let out an excited squeal, eagerly taking a paintbrush and dipping it in the pail. It was the perfect canvas: so big, so wide, and where his art would be displayed proudly!  Smiling that famous tongue out, eyes closed to crescent moons – GIR smile, he smeared a nice coat of paint over the wood. The brush traced a nice long streak over the creases of the house, soon forming odd swirly designs. With his other hand, he dipped it in the paint an made little ticks around the swirls: sun rays! His artwork was really coming together now! It just needed some...

"GIR!!" Zim stood there, his shoulders hunched, and mouth agape in disbelief. "What- what did..."

The little android smiled sweetly and waved at his master with his paintbrush. "Hiya, Master! I was just-" He was abruptly cut off as Zim grabbed him by the arm and yanked him forward, walking so fast back to the house, it caused the robot to trip numerous times in his steps.  "Wh-what did I do?!"

Zim stopped his angry march and spun around to the android, still gripping him tightly. "What-what did you do?! GIR! You don't just go and-and paint pictures all over someone's house! We'll never be able to get that off!"

"B-but it's pretty..." he sniffled, flinching at Zim's hard tone,

"I don't care how pretty you think it is! You don't just go and ruin someone's house!" His teeth gritted. "Just how am I supposed to get that off!?"

Little lip trembling, he looked up at Zim with a sniffle. "I-I'll clean it-"

"No, you won't!" Zim retorted sharply, opening the door to their bedroom and shoving him in the room. "Whatever you do, you just make things worse!" He ignored the drooping antenna, and continued to glare. "You can help by – by not helping! Now, go your – our – the room!"

"I-I'm already in the room," GIR answered meekly, shakily sitting on the edge of the bed.

"................." Eye twitching from his own stupidity, Zim slammed the door, muttering something about killing the creators of paint as he walked off.

GIR burst into further tears, his master's words running through his head: whatever you do, you just make things worse! He buried himself under the pillow with a sob.. "And I didn't even get a chance to paint the trees..."









Zim sighed in irritation, finishing scrubbing off the last of the paint from the house. "Well...one chore out of the way." He glared in the direction of GIR's room. "No doubt that stupid little robot probably made ten more for me in there." No, GIR wouldn't be stupid enough to leave his room when I'm that angry.. But again, this is GIR I'm talking about here. He mumbled angrily, fearing the worst when he stepped through the door.

"Br'ther Zim! Br'ther Zim!"

Zim blinked, staring down at the excited little girl that was bouncing in one spot in front of him, and holding something her back. "What is it, smeet? I'm really not in the..."

"L'kie, l'kie!" Talia smiled, waving a piece of paper in front of his face. "L'kit what ah made fer you!"

Zim sighed and begrudgingly snatched the piece of paper form her hands, his face quickly softening when he saw the picture: it was what looked like a purple scribbled girl with stick like hair and a purple dress. There was another figure; a green one with two sticks coming from his head. The irken chuckled slightly and gave a small smile. "Oh...you drew us.." He hesitantly ran a single hand through her hair. "Um, thank you, smeet."

Talia giggled, hugging his leg in response. "Yer w'lcome!"

Zim checked the clock, then smiled down at Talia again. "I think dinner is about ready. Could you help me set the table?"

"Shuwe!" the child said cheerily, following him into the kitchen.

From the doorway to his bedroom, GIR inwardly fumed. That stupid goody goody Talia never got in trouble! She always did nice things and got praise and stuff fore her beautiful pictures. Yet, when he made a nice picture that was way better and bigger than her's, and he got punished! It just wasn't fair!

"GIR!" Zim's voice cut through his thoughts. "Get over here and help me with dinner."

Determined to be good the rest of the night, the miserable little robot obediently toddled into the kitchen and took an armful of plates, setting them on the table. Okay, if I can just be good for the rest of the night... His head shot up when he heard the door open, and voices come from the hallway.

"Hey, Zim, we can really use some help over here!" came Dib's strained grunt from under a mount of sweet smelling Chinese food cartons.

"Hey, what's the big idea?" Zim said crossly, taking a few cartons. "You ask to to make dinner and then come carting in with take out foods!"

Dib shrugged, grinning sheepishly from under a few bags. "Er, it was Nim's idea.."

Zim cast a glare to the female gimp's direction. "You! You have me make dinner for nothing?!"

Nim smiled sweetly, dispelling her holographic disguise and flicking his antenna. "I wasn't the one that asked you to cook.."

Zim growled at her, his antennae twitching in anger as he gripped a few cartons in his arms. "........So, I guess we'll be having my dinner tomorrow night, then." He rolled his eyes a little, slipping his chicken into the fridge, and piling some meatless noodles onto his plate. "Ugh, fine then, but I'm not doing the dishes."

Nim giggleda little, flying up behind him and massaging his antennae stalk. "Had a bad day?"

Zim fell back in the chair a little, helpless to the sudden little purrs that came from him in response to having his antennae massaged. "....O-oh, sorta.."

GIR's optics caught sight of two sweet looking tidbits sitting in one of the cartons at the opposite end of the table. "Fortune cookies.."

"You can have one after you eat dinner, GIR," Zim subconsciously responded, in a state of bliss as Nim rubbed his antennae.

Disregarding everything his master said as usual, GIR tried reaching across the table to grab a cookie.

Zim cracked an eye open. "GIR, I said later." He was pleased when it seemed like the robot gave up on the cookie, and went back to enjoying his blissful massage, not sighting GIR trying to subtly pull the tablecloth and the cookies to him.

Almost got it.. Tongue stuck out in concentration, GIR reached over, smiling when he saw the cookies getting closer to him.

CRASH! Before anyone could react, the tablecloth slipped completely off the table from an unexpected slip GIR made in his chair. Food littered the ground, meat balls rolling under the fridge, and cherry sauce creating a big sticky red puddle in the middle of the floor.

Zim and Nim stood there, completely stiff, their eyes as wide as could be as they stared at the splattered food, broken dishes, and in the midst of it all, a very worried little SIR unit sitting down and holding a fortune cookie in his hand.

".........You!!" GIR yelped as Zim snatched him up. He squirmed, kicked, and cried in response from the painful swats suddenly falling all over his little bottom. "Ow! Owwww!!"

"What were you doing, GIR?! You stupid robot!! I TOLD you no cookies until after you eat!!" He stopped the spanking long enough to lividly point to the huge mess on the floor. "Look! Just look at what you did!"

Weeping uncontrollably, GIR merely hung his head in shame, holding his little claws over his eyes and squirming in the irken's arms.

"What do you have to say for yourself GIR?" Zim's voice was full of disappointment.

Shaking and crying, GIR slowly turned his head to look up at everyone, that focused a hard glare on him. "I..I'm sorry," he whimpered out.

Zim snorted angrily and lividly set him down with a shove to the door. "Yes, that's what I thought, now go to your room! You can forget about dinner or dessert tonight." Fists clenched in frustration, he turned to shout at the naughty little android. "You-you are nothing but bad, you know that?! Why can't you be good like Talia?! Why do you always have to ruin everything you touch! You make so much extra work for everyone and don't even care! Why can't you just-"

"Zim, that's enough!" Dib retorted sharply, banging his fist on the table hard enough to snap the irken out of his rage. "You know that's only making things worse."

Zim sneered, glaring daggers at the guilty little robot at the door. "That doesn't matter – it's the truth! And it needs to be said..."

Dib spoke through gritted teeth: "I said enough." He took a shaggy old mop from the closet. "Let's.......", sigh, "let's just clean this up and eat what you cooked today, Zim.."

Everyone got up from the table and found some different cleaning instruments, carefully mopping the floors and picking up broken dishes, mumbling about how it was just "money down the drain", as they watched dirty and soaked pieces of food go into the sink.

Timidly, GIR toddled back into the kitchen, looking up at a sponge and reaching for it. A hand fell on his, and lightly pushed his back to his side.

"GIR, you better just go to your room.." Dib said quietly, giving him a light push to the door.

Absolutely ashamed, GIR said nothing in response, and replaced his fortune cookie in its broken carton, shutting the door to his bedroom behind him. He sniffled and carefully tried to get comfortable on his bed, but sitting down didn't seem to be an option at the moment, so he simply buried his head into his arms, wanting to cry, and yet could find no tears...

You are nothing but bad, you know that?!

Just look at what you did!

Whatever you do, you just make things worse!

Why do you always have to ruin everything you touch!

I hate you!

I hate you.. Wait, no, no one said that. Well, they may as well have; it was the truth, wasn't it? He hurt more than he helped, and no matter how hard he tried to be good, he just couldn't! …..He didn't know why. It never clicked in the robot's hollow head that being a defective was half his problem, and it didn't seem to click in anyone else's as well. How many times had Zim tried to fix him? He lost count now.. His master hadn't tried to fix him in a long time; he had plenty of tools in Membrane's lab, but he still didn't try.

Because I'm nothing but bad... I can never be fixed. They didn't need him. They didn't want him – why would they? They had sweet, perfect little Talia that barely ever got in trouble. Why would they want the bad if they could have the good? He was a walking disaster that just...ruined whatever he touched.

Hiccuping a sob, GIR toddled over to the closet and took out a few things, packing them up into a small backpack: his rubber pig, some little outfits Dib had bought for him, his toy barn, and a photograph... He looked at the picture; it was a recent picture that was taken in one of his rare moments of he and his master together, playing...sorta. He was on Zim's head and nibbling at his antennae, while the irken tried futilely to pry him off.

Plip, plip.. Tears fell on the photograph, as GIR hugged the picture to his chest, shakily pressing his lips to the slick surface, and tenderly tucking it in one of the safer and wider pockets of his backpack. He quietly came out to the kitchen door, hiding behind the door frame and tearfully watching everyone.

"Okay, now see, the point of this wishbone is to make a wish and then we each grab half of it and we just pull! Whoever gets the bigger half might have their wish come true!"

The most sly of smiles came to Zim's face as he took hold of part of the bone. "Interesting concept.."

"Okay, one...two...three!" They both tugged backwards as hard as they could; it seemed to take forever for the bone to make the splintering crack, and suddenly, the bone – as well as Dib toppled backwards in the chair, thumping hard to the floor. "Ow.....guh, looks like you got the bigger half, Zim. What'd you wish for?"

His quivering lips trying to hold back his laughter, Zim covered his mouth with a hand. "That."

"You wished for...? ….Oh, you jerk!"

With the kitchen now filled with howls of laughter from everyone but Dib, GIR's antenna drooped.

They're all havin' so much fun now that ah'm not around to mess everything up... Well, it was official: he was making the right choice.. Mouthing a silent "I love you," GIR turned left a the end of the hall, opening the front door, and beginning the frightening journey out to the beyond.




"It's been like three hours, Zim," Dib pointed out as he dried the chicken pot. "Don't you think you should go see him now?"

Zim growled, shoving a wet plate in the tray of dishes. "Oh, don't tell me you're going to make me do the stupid pointless "amends" stuff again..." Dib's look told him a silent yes. "But why? Why can't I just...punish him and leave him there to cry? He'd calm down eventually!"

"You know that isn't the proper way to do it," Dib said sternly, "you can't just send him to bed angry and upset! Do you realize how unhealthy that is?"

"Look, it may not be the way you hyu-mans do it, but Irk is different!"

"Uh-huh, and do you really want to come off looking like one of your military commanders?"

"..............."

"Would your – Mameen -  have just left you to cry?"

"..............."

"I didn't think so. Go see him."

Mumbling quiet irken swear words, Zim begrudgingly trudged to the bedroom, stopping at the door as Dib called something out,

"Look on the bright side! You don't have to be the mean one anymore; the punishment is over. Just...just hug him and let him know that it's alright."

The irken shuddered in disgust at the very thought of displaying such a high level of human affection. "Oh yes, because we all know that Zim just loves to hug." Grumbling to himself, he pushed open the bedroom door, stepping into the room. "GIR, where are you?" He eyed a small lump underneath GIR's quilt. Quietly, he sat down beside the little lump, turning to where he thought GIR was. "Well.....I hope you know what you did earlier was wrong." He frowned at him. "Nothing good comes from not listening to your master, does it?"

The lump was unresponsive.

Sigh. "You..can come out now. I'm not mad anymore, and I don't think anyone else is either."

"........"

Zim was becoming frustrated. "Ugh! Irk! It doesn't matter if I "make ameeends" or not, you still just wallow and cry under your stupid blanket! GIR, come out when I'm talking to you!" He flipped down the comforter, instantly freezing on the spot. "GIR!?" He reached over and picked up the two small cushions that had been put together cleverly to look like the little robot was curled up in a ball under his quilt. "What the-?!" Zim felt around the small little box bed; GIR's toy piggy was gone – so was his disguise! Zim stood up, stripping his entire bed down to try and find the robot he hoped had tucked himself out of sight under one of the bed sheets. "GIR, where are you?!" He searched under the bed. "GIR?" He searched the closet. "GIR-?....His...his bag is gone – so's his toy barn!" A sick feeling began churning in his spooch at the realization of what had happened.

"What's going on?" Dib frowned, stepping into the room that Zim had destroyed trying to find his robot. "Zim....?" The irken sat there, his back facing the human, shoulders hunched forward. His breath caught in his throat at Zim's next words:

"Dib.......he's gone!"